Shattered Dreams
by Penelope Clemence
Summary: It is set in the pre-series. Robin voices his decision to go to the Holy Land, but Marian doesn't understand him. Dreams of two young lovers and their hopes for the future are shattered; they are smashed against the walls of reality.


_It is set in the pre-series. Robin voices his decision to go to the Holy Land, but Marian doesn't understand him. Dreams of two young lovers and their hopes for the future are shattered; they are smashed against the walls of reality. _

_Undoubtedly and unfortunately, I don't own any characters and the show._

_Hope you will enjoy the story._

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**Shattered Dreams**

It was the hour of sunset in Sherwood Forest, and all was as peaceful as it could be some magical land of subtle delight. The birds were singing songs of celestial harmony, the gentle wind was whispering lullabies to slumbering nature, and shadows were gliding to and fro through the clearing that was Robin and Marian's favorite place in the woods. They often watched beautiful sunrises and sunsets there, sitting in a tight embrace and dreaming of their future; he confessed to loving Marian and first kissed her in this very place.

As Marian reached her destination, she dismounted and tethered her horse to a tree. She crossed the clearing, her heart pounding in delight. She briefly paused and lifted her eyes to the vault of the vast canvas, humming a joyful song under her breath. She frowned at the sight of the sky streaked with gray clouds, through which the sun gave notification of its slow descent. On the opposite side of the clearing, Marian noticed Robin standing under an old tall oak. Her fiancé was alone, and she rejoiced that they would not be chaperoned today.

"There you are, my love!" Robin exclaimed excitedly, grinning roguishly at her. "I thought you were never coming! Hurry, hurry to me, Marian! You shouldn't keep me waiting."

"How impatient of you, Robin," Marian retorted with a hint of laughter in her voice. "What good has impatience ever brought? It has only served as the mother of mistakes."

Once his eyes met hers, they were both lost in their depths for a moment, like sinking into a sea of warmth and exaltation. The need to erase the space between them was egregious, and Robin trembled with it, his eyes traversing her face, lingering for a second on the sweep of her lashes. Her spirit soared like a bird when he gathered Marian into his strong arms, and his rapacious mouth caught hers in a breathtaking kiss with a hunger and intensity that made her shiver from head to toe. She molded herself against his body and wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers entangled in his thick sandy hair.

"Marian," Robin said as he broke the kiss and drew back.

Robin perused her in admiration, his heart beating faster. Marian enchanted him like no other women did. The melodic modulations of her voice, the gentle curves of her beautiful lips, the deep sapphire gleam in those lovely eyes that bewitched him, the underlying vibrant ripple of her fiery spirit that played under all her moods as though it had been a gift from gods – Marian evoked in Robin exquisite happiness and unutterable joy. It was a dreamlike state of gladness and perpetual harmony that possessed Robin when they were together.

With volition, he mustered the courage to voice the truth. He looked into her eyes, his gaze vulnerable before turning blank. "There is something very important."

Marian smiled. "Robin, you know that you can always tell me everything."

Robin took her hands in his and began, "I have to leave, Marian."

A glint of surprise entered her eyes. "Robin, you have just come back from King Richard's coronation in London! I can hardly believe that you are leaving again!"

"Marian," he called in a voice thick with emotion. "Something has changed, my love."

A sense of unease prickled along her nerves. "I don't understand you."

The decision Robin had made up weighed down upon him, and, suddenly, drew her close. "I am leaving, hopefully for not more than a year. I must do my duty to my liege and my country." His face contorted in anguish, he admitted, "Life will be a torture without you."

Marian let out her breath in a small gasp. "Robin, why do you have to be separated from me?" Her mind drifting back to the most desirable event in her life, her eyes glowed as she touched her hand to his cheek. "Our wedding is approaching fast. Stay in your estates, in Locksley or in Huntingdon." Her visage brightened, but her heart was apprehensive. "It is difficult to organize the wedding, but it is such a pleasant experience!"

"Marian, we cannot marry in two months," he replied sorrowfully. She was still locked in his arms, and for a moment, they remained silent, contemplating each other. He then put into words his offer. "We can marry the next week, before my departure, or after my return."

Her expression evolved into amazement. "Why do you want to marry so urgently, Robin?" She brushed away a strand of hair from his forehead. "We were planning a grand wedding. My father wanted to invite all my distant relatives and all the nobles from the shire. Maybe your relatives from Scotland will also come."

"Marian…" His voice halted.

Cocking an eyebrow, she smiled at him. "Robin, we need about two months to prepare. Or do you want us to have a ceremony not befitting your high station?"

"Marian, your father is fully aware that I will be leaving England very soon. He supports my decision to wed you before my departure."

She shot him a bemused look. "My father approves of hasty nuptials?"

"Yes, he does."

"Oh," she breathed, her heart lodged somewhere in the vicinity of her throat.

He lifted her hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to her palm. "Let's marry next week. Marian, will you become my wife, Countess of Huntingdon and Lady of Locksley?"

Marian extricated herself from his grasp. "Where are you going?"

Robin cut right to the chase. "While I was in London, I had a long conversation with King Richard." He smiled with a charming smile that always bewitched her. "Our liege is departing to the Holy Land in a few months, and I am going to accompany him." His voice was growing agitated. "Our liege honored me by offering to become a member of the king's private guard."

Her eyes went wide. "King Richard is leaving England so soon after his coronation?"

"It is indeed soon. But he will appoint a Council of Regency, consisting of his most loyal nobles, who will rule England in his absence."

A confused Marian blinked. "But King Richard has a duty to stay here, with his people!"

"He vowed that he would liberate the Holy Land and Jerusalem from the Saracens. It is our king's sacred dream, and now he has a chance to realize it. King Philippe of France is also going on Crusade, and it will be the glorious war of the two kings!"

She was unwilling to accept the truth. "The king cannot stay?"

He shook his head. "Our liege's conscience will not allow him to break his vow."

"What about the king's duty to his people? How will he leave them so soon?"

Growing angry at her incomprehension, Robin attempted to explain. "King Richard must conquer the Holy Land. This Crusade has a great religious meaning and political importance." He paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "Saladin combined the Egyptian and Syrian forces under his command and employed them to reduce the Crusader States and recapture Jerusalem. Pope Gregory proclaimed that the fall of Jerusalem was punishment for the sins of Christians, and there was a call for a new Crusade."

She arched a brow. "And?"

His face grew serious. "King Henry and King Philippe ended their conflict to lead a new Crusade. As the old king died, it is King Richard's duty to respond to the call to arms."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "So you are intending to go to war with the king?"

He gave a nod. "Yes."

"It is a mistake," she commented dryly as she furiously dashed away a tear.

"It is my intention and my duty," he replied.

She fidgeted with her fingers in a fit of anxiety. "You want to go to war, don't you?"

With ebullient enthusiasm, her betrothed promulgated, "I have to fight alongside King Richard against the infidels!"

Marian was taken aback, her eyes glittering with ire. "What about your duty to me? We are betrothed!" Her voice rose to a crescendo, her temper flaring like a fire when coals are cast onto it. "What about your duty to your people whom you are going to abandon? You are the Earl of Huntingdon. You have a lofty title, and you own quite many prosperous estates in England. Many people serve you, and their lives depend on you."

Robin exhorted, "Marian, try to understand me!" His brain assimilating the unpleasant turn of events once more, he pronounced, "I do know that I have a duty to you and to my people, but I cannot ignore my duty to my king and my country. I am a knight and a man of honor; I am not a coward who stays behind when his liege goes into battle."

"What about us? We planned to marry!"

Robin stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. Gazing into her eyes, he persuaded her, "Marian, you are very important to me, but I must do my duty to the king and England." His thumb caressed her cheek, his expression sincere and tender. "I care for you so much that I would willingly do anything for you – I would gladly die for you."

"I am not asking you to die," she retorted in a plaintive voice; tears welled up in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. "You are too young to die. I cannot even think of your death."

"My Marian," he murmured, smiling at her besottedly. As a tide of sweet desire washed over him, he kissed her thoroughly, their tongues waltzing to a tune as old as heaven, to a rhythm of love dictated by their hearts. Only when Marian was limp in his arms, he lifted his mouth from hers. Looking into her flushed face, he lamented in a voice colored with regret, "I don't want to be separated from you, but I have to."

Marian pushed him away, and averted her eyes, running them over the sunset-crimsoned clearing. Her hopes to become Robin's wife were dying together with the sun, and a blend of dismay and anguish inundated her. As her sad eyes trained on Robin, she entreated, "Robin, please don't go to the Holy Land. I want you to stay and wed me. Don't deprive us of the happy future we can have together here, in Locksley."

A smile flitted across his face. "My love, nobody will rob us of the chance to be together!"

"No, Robin!" Marian cried in a broken voice, her countenance darkened by a subliminal presentiment of doom. "War is frightful and dangerous; you might be killed in battle."

Robin laughed off her concern. "You worry too much, Marian. Please, calm down," he said in soothing tones. "I won't die! I will come back, and then we will be together!"

"Don't go," she beseeched.

"I must," Robin stated with a ring of finality.

Marian wrangled with Robin over his commitment to her and his people; he pontificated about duty and honor. Robin was pacing the clearing, gesticulating actively as he was trying to explain and justify his decision, but his reasons were beyond her comprehension. Truth be told, she didn't even listen to him, her mind reeling in disbelief that he would desert her. But Robin kept telling her about the Crusade over and over again, and it dawned upon Marian that he would leave in spite of her pleas.

Robin closed the distance between them and extended his arms to wrap them around her, but she stepped out of his embrace and faced him with a belligerent gleam in her eyes. She didn't want him to touch her anymore, for he had lost the right to be with her.

Marian demanded brusquely, "Tell me the truth, Robin. Why else are you going to Acre?"

Robin wasn't a man who wore his heart on his sleeve, but he felt that he needed to lift the veil of his inner realm for a moment. After a moment's dithering, he spoke calmly. "Marian, I inherited my title and lands many years ago, after my father's death in the fire. Since then, I have been pampered, loved, and spoiled by your father and all others." A shadow crossed his face. "I haven't done anything to deserve the privileges I possess from birth."

She shot him a fulminating glance. "You want glory, right?"

The thought of fame wasn't uppermost in his mind, but Robin was unable to restrain his vainglorious nature and his thirst for adventure. "You are right; I do want glory. King Richard is a noble, fierce, and courageous warrior king." A smile manifested on his features. "Our liege's name will be echoing through many centuries. He will become the greatest hero in Christendom when he captures the holy city!"

An incensed Marian barely resisted the urge to slap him hard across his smug face. "You want to become a legendary general. You covet everlasting glory for yourself and fame. That's why you are intending to leave for the Holy Land."

He stepped to her but stopped, hesitating. "Marian, you know that Prince Richard favored me before his accession to the throne, and we became friends."

"And because of your friendship with the king you want to leave England?"

His own temper hardly better held in than hers, Robin sighed in frustration, and his face set in a hard line. "No," he said slowly, emphatically. "There are many reasons, Marian!"

Marian probed, "The king needs you, doesn't her?"

Robin countered, "How can I abandon my liege when he will be doing God's work by liberating the Holy Land?" He sighed heavily. At once enthused again, he blurted out, "King Richard praised me for my fighting skills with a bow and a sword. He himself knighted me in Poitou. I want to fight!"

"So, is it your final decision?"

"Yes," he stated firmly.

"Very well," she responded tonelessly.

Robin flashed a cheeky smile. "Will you marry me before I leave Nottingham, Marian?"

Robin looked so hopeful and so dear that she struggled against the passion building inside her. Looking at him was like drowning in a cauldron of melting heat; like trying to struggle against the current of a mountain torrent but being pulled under by invisible forces of destiny. She craved to be with his wife, but if he naively thought that she would assent to his proposal, he was mistaken. He disappointed her, and she doubted the sincerity of his feelings.

"I won't marry you, Robin of Locksley," Marian affirmed with an air of categorical denial. "You are choosing glory over having a family with me."

"Your father thinks that I should marry you before my departure. He promised that he would arrange our urgent nuptials."

"I don't care what my father says!" she shouted wrathfully, fighting the impulse to rush to him and hammer her fists into his head with a feral fury.

His features painted golden by the rays of the sinking sun, Robin looked so very young and so incredibly handsome, and she found it difficult to tear her gaze from him. She discovered that the abuses she had yearned to heap upon his head moments ago were scattering before the reality of the powerful effect he had on her. But her wounded hubris and her sensible mind were in direct and violent collision with the demands of her angry heart.

A disheartened Robin simply asked, "Is it your final decision, Marian?"

Some of her quick fury dying, Marian regarded him indecisively. She was still affronted with his actions, but her insides were melting, going molten, as she thought of the love she could throw away. Love and pride vied with one another, the latter won out as her practical little brain violently rejected his request outright. "Yes," she confirmed.

He returned imperturbably, "You are so exasperatingly stubborn about certain things, my love. It seems that we will have to wait until my return." He felt like the wings of his dreams were broken, like his heart was fractured. Concealing his hurt beneath a mask of arrogance, he concluded, "Then, I will marry you."

Now Robin resembled a haughty courtier, not a young man who fascinated her and stirred in her emotions that had enthralled her and caused her to forget where she was in his presence. Her hands resting on her hips, her chin raised in defiance, her features stormy, she affirmed, "Robin of Locksley, I wish you to achieve the glory you crave."

Loving her, wanting her, and needing the innocence, warmth, goodness, and sweetness she represented, Robin didn't want to lose Marian. He endeavored to talk sense into her again. "Marian, I wish you to be proud of me. I attained knighthood, but it is not enough."

"You are a fool if you believe that I need your glory, Robin." She paused, her emotions thrown into complete confusion by his heartfelt statement. In a handful of heartbeats, her resolved solidified. "Go fight in the Holy Land with your king. I don't care if you don't come back from war." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

A shaken Robin gaped at her. "What?"

"I won't wait for you," Marian gritted out in an outburst of blinding rage.

Robin looked shocked, clearly waiting for her apology. "I don't believe that you think so. Is it normal for you to want me dead only because I am planning to do my duty to England?"

Marian was at a loss for a moment. She knew that she was treating him rudely, but she didn't wish to apologize; she owed him nothing. "If you want glory, then forget about me."

"Think before you speak," he admonished.

Her umbrage took the shape of the bubble of bitterness and fury that burst out of her as she accused, "Robin, you don't love me as much as you have been claiming. I am breaking our betrothal. I will never marry you. The bond between us is broken irrevocably."

Marian slipped her engagement ring off her finger. With bated breath, Robin watched her trace the silver ring featuring a massive sapphire center carved in the shape of a flower. Then, she threw the ring in his face, smiling with feigned malice, although her heart was burning to cinders. She wasn't relieved at all, and a feeling of irretrievable loss instantaneously seized her like a vice, squeezing out of her all emotions but shame. She had loved the exquisite ring so much, and she wore it proudly; she also treasured this ring as Robin told her that it had belonged to his mother who had died giving birth to him.

Robin didn't flinch at her ruthless actions and didn't pick up the ring, his expression torn between cold amusement and a semblance of vexation. The wind soughed through the trees, making them rattle like bones in the hollow where his bleeding heart used to be. At the thought that she had just renounced their betrothal, Robin submerged into the night full of shudders, menaces, and woes which seemed macabre.

A heartbroken Robin felt pangs of pain knifing through his whole being. She rejected him in such a humiliating manner! His fists balled into tight balls as a blast of rage came crashing down upon him like an eagle on its prey. He pulled himself together and supplied icily, "How courteous of you, Marian! Wishing a knight to die on the battlefield is the most dignified thing which any proper lady can do. Most definitely, I won't force you to wait for my return."

Marian's heart was thudding painfully against her ribs. At first, she was so amazed that she couldn't utter a word. He was so distant and aloof! She knew he was hurting, but it was only his fault. "You will be fine on the Crusade."

"I will," he promised with an air of detachment.

Although Robin looked cold in the extreme, there was such endless sadness in his eyes that Marian inwardly shuddered. Once more, the voice in the back of her head mocked her that her beloved Robin had been left with deities of love and war in a moral desert and had opted for a military adventure in the Holy Land over a family life with her in Locksley. That was the naked truth of her existence, and everything else meant nothing, Marian mused.

"Good luck, Robin," Marian wished him, this time from the bottom of her heart. Her voice was not harsh or acrid; it was soft and gentle, like a featherlight touch of a lover. The charm of her voice did not fail to convey her real thoughts – she wished him to come back alive.

Steeling herself against the guilt that overwhelmed her, she pivoted and stalked away from her first love, disappearing among the trees, where the sun had just dipped below the hill. The sunset would probably forever be a symbol of Marian's rejection for Robin, together with the ring she had returned him. The curtain of darkness draped itself over the forest, casting Robin's soul into the opaque void of the universe.

Robin's face twisted in pain mingled with despair as he watched her mount and ride away. Pain percolated him to the very depths of his heart, to the most hidden recesses of his mind. He crouched and picked up the ring; he straightened his spine, staring at the ring in his palm.

Marian didn't understand Robin, but it was partly his fault as his pride prevented him from revealing to her that he had chosen war in order to prove to everyone and, most importantly, to himself that he was a strong man who deserved respect and love of his king and the people. He was sure that fighting for England and the king would help him achieve that. For a split second, Robin regretted that he hadn't told Marian the truth, but he swiftly banished that thought. He couldn't show his inner insecurities and fears to the world and even to Marian.

His spirit as leaden as smoke from a chimney, Robin placed the ring into the pocket of his doublet. He swiveled and strode towards his horse that was tied to a tree on the other side of the clearing. He hopped into the saddle and galloped away, cloaked in an aura of sorrow and woes. His relationship with Marian had been over, and now he had to think about war and the king. Wishing to put the distance between Marian and him, Robin departed from Nottingham in haste the next day after their meeting in the woods.

Dreams of the two young lovers and their hopes for the future were shattered; they were smashed against the walls of reality. They would probably never see each other again, and their betrothal was over thanks to Marian's outburst. Deities of love – mute, sullen, and portentous – sent a gust of wind through the woods, a mournful echo of their broken hearts. Yet, their love was stronger than death and would always live in the greenery of Sherwood.

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_I hope that you enjoyed Robin's last meeting with Marian before his departure to the Holy Land. This is the scene of their parting in one of the chapters in part 1 "Mysteries of the Past" in the epic "Quintessence of Life"._

_Marian doesn't understand Robin's desire to fight in the Holy Land when he could stay in England and marry her. She is very harsh in this scene, but she is acting in character; in the show, she could be very harsh and even cruel if anger clouded her judgment._

_Robin is a man of honor and duty. He cannot stay behind when King Richard goes to the Crusade. He wants glory as well, and he is thirsty for adventure, which makes him rush headlong into action. He is young and naïve; he doesn't know at this point that there is no glory on the battlefield, which he will understand later. He is not a man who wears his heart on his sleeve, and he is guarding his true emotions, so his reticence and pride prevent him from being entirely honest with Marian about the crucial reason for his departure – his opinion that he didn't deserve his titles and his wealth, and perhaps her love for him._

**_Reviews and constructive criticism are always appreciated._**

_Yours faithfully, Penelope Clemence_


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